A lot of the time when relationships end, we feel like a part of
us also ended with that relationship, we feel emotionally drained and
exhausted, we feel like we do not have any love left in us to give anymore. We
spend so much time moaning and evaluating these past relationships that we miss
out on the lessons that should be learnt from these relationships.
I also think a lot of us have a very wrong
mind-set about relationships. We see them as end-points as against seeing them
as starting points. Most people mostly ladies, are guilty of expecting every
relationship they get into to end in marriage. This is a very wrong way to view
relationships and also a very counter-productive approach.
I personally think that relationships
should be viewed as training ground. This is because statistics show that on
the average only less than 2% of people marry their first love, i.e. (First Boyfriend
or Girlfriend). Now if the statistics are this low then the chances of us all
getting married to our 'First Love' are practically non-existent. In my
opinion, relationships being viewed as a training ground would not only change our
attitude when we are in relationships and when relationships end, it will also
help us see the bigger picture i.e. (groom ourselves for marriage with the
right person eventually.
The truth is no one is perfect and God
sometimes moulds us by allowing us meet certain people at certain points in our
lives so that we can learn certain things that will help us eventually not only
in marriage but in other areas of our lives. It might not even be you that
needs to learn something; it might be your partner. If people could develop
this mind-set, it will not only reduce the amount of pain we feel when a relationship
ends but it will enable us learn the lessons from these past relationships and move
on in good time. I have realised that with time and as one grows older, we meet
all sorts of people, some of these people we have relationships with and some
we just remain friends with, either way, these people either add value to our
lives or not, and at the very least these people crossed our paths in life to
teach us valuable life lessons, some we learnt easily and some we learnt the
hard way. What will be a disaster would be to go through life, not learning
from our experiences and our encounter with people.
Now my point is this, firstly not all
relationships are meant, destined to lead to marriage. Secondly the earlier we
realise this, the less heart-breaks we will have and also the wiser we will
become. If we approach relationships with the ''I am here to learn'' mentality,
we would not only improve ourselves, but we will be more relaxed and actually
get to enjoy the relationship, and most importantly get a clearer picture of
the kind of person we would like to spend the rest of our lives with.
The truth is when relationships do not
work-out, we should actually be grateful that they didn’t workout and really
and truly we got off easy, because those relationships could have worked out
and led to marriage only to have ended in a divorce, which would have been
heart-wrenching and in most cases disastrous. We should also be grateful because
it’s also a pointer that that person isn’t the right life partner for us. We
should see it as a step closer to our ideal and God-ordained life partner for
us, and not a step away from him or her. Because, the truth is, if we didn’t
gain anything at all from our past relationships, at the very least we
discovered what we do not want in a life partner, and that in itself is
PRICELESS.
As difficult as it maybe to view break-ups
from this positive point of view, this is the truth about relationships coming
to an end. Instead of eternally moaning and feeling down and in some cases,
vowing never to fall in love again i.e. (Being a drama queen/king, lol!) We
should be grateful it didn’t work out and very importantly you have eliminated
the chance of potentially becoming a divorcee. Always remember, as clichéd as
it may sound: A BROKEN RELATIONSHIP, IS BETTER THAN A BROKEN MARRIAGE!!!
In order to move on, it is important and
advisable to give ourselves time to heal emotionally, in some cases we need to
actually fall in love with ourselves again! After which, we need to GET-UP AND
KEEP MOVING! Go out with friends, family, have fun, enjoy being single, live
and enjoy life responsibly and be open to meeting someone new. ;)
A lot of us can resonate with the fact
that when we meet someone new, they always seem perfect and ideal for us, but
with time, sometimes things go wrong and we think back and wonder why we ever
thought he or she was perfect for us in the first place. This goes to show that
not all relationships are meant to lead to marriage. Most of them are actually
meant to mould you and make you a better partner to your future husband or
wife, as young people , in relationships we should see ourselves as 'Trainee
husband/wives', and if two people involved in a relationship get along so well,
that it leads into a marriage, fantastic! We wouldn't have lost out on anything;
on the contrary we would have both learnt a lot from each other and trained
ourselves to be better partners. If on the other hand the relationship doesn’t lead
to marriage........FIND THE STRENGHT TO GET UP AND KEEP MOVING! Learn the
lessons and move one! You will find that when you eventually meet the right
person, your past experiences will help you appreciate this person and you will
not repeat the previous mistakes.
However, if you decide to remain in the
sad unproductive phase of moaning, beating yourself up and constant re-evaluation
of the broken relationship , you will not only be doing yourself great
injustice, by depriving yourself of the possibility of meeting that special
someone but you will also be wasting valuable time. For all you know that
special one is out there waiting for you to come out of this unproductive phase,
and start on the journey of recovery and happiness. In the words of Oprah
Winfrey ''LIVE YOUR BEST LIFE NOW’’ We have got to maximise and enjoy each
moment and every second that ticks by!
Come to think of it, what better way is
there to learn to relate with your future spouse, rather than to actually get
into relationships? None actually! So if we don’t relate with the opposite sex
and maybe get heartbroken a few times in the process, we would never really get
1st hand experience or at least a rough idea of what it might be like to
actually spend the rest of our lives with the opposite sex. In my opinion, I
think it’s a very small price to pay for the joy and happiness that lies ahead,
when you finally meet the right one.
I have discovered that the earlier we discover
what category the people we are in relationships with fall into, the sooner we
can either learn the lessons and move on or stay and build upon the
relationships. A lot of people waste valuable time with the WRONG PEOPLE. They
either stay in wrong relationships, hoping that things will change for the
better or they refuse to move on when these relationships end. This is a very
counter-productive approach and more often than not, leads to regrets.
That said we need to get into
relationships wisely. Be wise about your choice of a partner; be open-minded,
yet very cautious! Compatibility is very key and lastly, leave the relationship
in God's capable hands, trusting him to do what he does best! All the best
People!!! :)
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