Sometimes in life, God allows us go
through certain experiences, not because he is mean or he doesn't want the best
for us. He allows us go through them because he wants us to appreciate the good
things he has in store for us. By the special grace of God, I have grown into a
lovely young woman, but like every other young woman, I have had my own fair
share of up's and down's in life.
However, a few secrets have kept me
going especially where relationships and marriage is concerned, and until I
discovered these secrets I would say, I put myself through a lot of emotional
stress and turmoil.
As a young teenage girl, like every other teenage girl, I grew up believing that one day, I would find my prince charming (emphasis on 'I will Find') and he will sweep me off my feet and take me away to his massive castle on his private jet.....lol! Oh Boy was I up for a few surprises as I grew older! Phew! In fact the older I grew; the more it became apparent that this teenage dream of mine was nothing more than a DREAM!
So basically, I grew-up and I realized that my childhood prince charming dreams were nothing more than a fantasy and that the Real world, operates by a completely different set of RULES. #realitycheck! I also realized that the rules the world operates by are completely different from that which the Disney cartoons I watched as a child made me believe in, sadly. :(
Now back to the real world. Firstly, here’s where we all get it twisted, especially ladies. A lot of ladies are of the opinion that we have to find a Man that will love and cherish us for the rest of our lives, when in reality all we have to do is make ourselves 'Lovable' and love will find us. Now this is a very common mistake we ladies make.
Even the bible says “He, who FINDS a wife, FINDS a GOOD THING. Now, if you notice, I have laid emphasis on 2 words in that sentence. The first one is "FINDS” please note that it says "He “who finds... and not "She" who finds....This means that even God expects the Men to Find us, and not the other way around. This made me realize that it’s the Man’s job to find me, and not mine to find him! The 2nd part of the sentence I laid emphasis on is "GOOD THING" Now; this says to me that I have to be a Good thing to be found!
Like I said earlier, we ladies have to make ourselves 'Lovable' to be found. We have to make ourselves 'Good things' We have to focus more on the beauty on the inside and less on the beauty outside. We have to focus more on changing our personalities for the best rather than on buying the latest Brazilian, Peruvian and Funmi hair... lol!
In essence, Men are supposed to do the searching, whilst women rather than search, we should focus our energies and attention on making ourselves 'Findable'. This means preparing ourselves to be found, working on our personality, culinary skills, house-keeping skills, and educating ourselves to name a few... The problem is we young women of these days are very impatient. We would rather do the searching than prepare ourselves to be found. The downside of this role reversal is this: because we are too busy searching for the right man, we not only miss out on preparing ourselves for the right man, but something very interesting and unfortunately very common these days , happens at this stage.
Now, we just might succeed in eventually finding the ‘right man’ for us, but because we were too busy searching for him, we did not prepare for him! So this is what happens:
"RIGHT MAN" + UNPREPARED "RIGHT WOMAN" = DIVORCE/BREAK-UP
This relationship maths above is scarily true and unfortunately more common than you can imagine these days. Sadly, after investing all those hours hunting down your 'Mr Right' only to end up losing him because you were unprepared for him . This is why so many young women today are in a dilemma. They just can’t understand why their relationships never work-out and why they keep having one failed relationship after the other. The answer is simple: You simply have not prepared yourself for the right guy darling.
One thing is for sure, if you change your focus from looking for the right guy to preparing yourself to be the right guys 'Right Lady' , you will not only be found by the right guy, but most importantly you will be prepared for him , when he finds you.
Moving on, the 2nd reason why lots of ladies struggle when it comes to finding the right one is this; We ladies love to panic! I mean, we can panic for Africa + England at the same time! This is a known fact. A lot of the time, once a young lady starts to advance in age, we start to fret, we start to panic, and we start to wonder if we will ever meet the right man for us...
Now here's the thing, this stage of our lives which I’m sure a lot of ladies can relate to, is the stage I call the ''Panicky Stage'' it has to do with young ladies approaching a certain age, where they believe they should be settled in a relationship /marriage. The problem here is, this panicky stage is where a lot of ladies loose the plot completely. A lot of ladies become desperate at this stage and as much as they try to hide it, it oozes out of every pore of their being, simply because desperation cannot be hidden.
I genuinely believe that a guy can smell desperation from 10 miles away. Even when we ladies think we are doing a good job at hiding it. You think I’m wrong? Ask any guy you know and I bet you, he will confirm this. He will not only confirm this, but he will tell you, he can tell if a lady is desperate or not after conversing with her for 10mins or even less! Shocking right?!? Another thing about being desperate is this, even if your soooo good at hiding your desperation with your words, unfortunately your body language will always betray you. Damn you 'Body Language'! lol!
Now, this is what I think:
- Until you make peace with yourself, so much that you say to
yourself "No matter how long it takes for the 'right guy' to find me,
I will prepare myself and I will wait!
- Until you get to that point where you stop looking for 'quick fix relationships' i.e. something just to keep body and soul together, until 'Mr Right' shows up·
- Until you say to yourself, I would rather wait a few more years and marry the right guy, than marry the wrong person, before I clock 30,35 or 40.......
Ladies, until we get to that point where absolutely nothing else (as difficult as it may be) matters, but 'Being FOUND by the RIGHT guy', and when I say nothing else I mean; Age, Desire to have kids, Family pressure, our constantly ticking biological clock, Peer pressure, etc....Until we get to that point where we are at complete peace with ourselves and our focus is on being found by the right guy, rather than finding the right guy, unfortunately we might remain in a vicious cycle of damaging relationships.
In summary, there are 2 keys to finding the right one:
1. Prepare yourself to be found by ‘The One’ and whatever you do, do not settle for less than 'The one'.
2. Relax, Take a chill pill, Calm down,
Breath... whatever you do, do not stress, do not panic, because this only leads
to desperation, which is our greatest enemy remember? Stay calm, and trust that
when the time is right, with the right level of preparation on your part: THE
RIGHT ONE WILL FIND YOU!
All the best Ladies... Xxx
