Pick and Drop Mentality in Today Relationships!!!

I sat down yesterday and reflected on what I consider to be the biggest difference between today’s relationships and the relationships our parents had. When I say relationships I am referring to everything from dating, courtship to marriage. While pondering, one major difference kept cropping up, and this is the mentality/ attitude we have towards relationships this days.

In today’s world a lot of relationships are fickle and depthless; they are very shallow and carry no weight. Relationships today are a tad bit too casual for our own good. It’s almost as if the moment people get into relationships they are automatically looking for a way out. Where is the fighting spirit that was present during the days of our forefathers??? Where is the resilient spirit? Why are we so quick to point out each other’s mistakes and not our strengths? Why are we so quick to jump out of relationships as against sticking it out and making it work??? There is definitely something wrong with a society where divorce has become more popular than marriage.

I am almost convinced that as the technology improves and the world changes, humans also feel the need to change our companions, lol! Be it a spouse or a partner. Upon interacting with people these days, I find that marriage and relationships break-up over the most minute and sometimes ridiculous differences. Issues that in the days of our fathers would never have ended a relationship/marriage. Issues that rather than end a realtionship/marriage, both partners would have worked through and eventually come out stronger.

A friend recently shared her story with me, about how her marriage of 9years ended over her OCD (Obsessive compulsive disorder) i.e. her excessive love for tidying and cleaning. She said her husband could never understand why she felt the constant need to clean the house and have everything in the right place and order all the time. Though she had started therapy for her disorder and she was improving, her husband said he couldn’t deal with it and didn’t have the time to wait around for her to change, and so he walked out on her, leaving her to raise 2 kids all by herself.

As expected she was devastated and broken! She kept saying to me repeatedly how she couldn’t believe he was able to walk away, without batting an eyelid after 9 solid years together and 2 lovely kids. She said she never saw it coming, until recently, when he suddenly changed, and became cold towards her.

These days it feels like relationship break-ups/ divorce is in vogue. It’s no longer a biggie! It’s been trivialised so much that no one makes a fuss about it anymore.

I feel like we have lost the plot completely, when it comes to commitment and marriage. We are in it for the good, exciting, fun times, but the moment challenges rear its ugly head, we get off at the next stop, without even waiting for our change. Lol!

My friend’s predicament got me thinking, does it mean he never loved her? Or did he stop loving her because of her OCD? What exactly went wrong? Why would a man wake up after 9 years, and suddenly feel the urge to jump out of a very stable marriage to his partner, with whom he swore to be with for better or worse.....In my opinion, this is a modern day TRAGEDY!

In the western world for instance where we have a ridiculously high divorce rate, compared to African countries, we also have a very wasteful culture in my own opinion, especially when compared to EMEA countries where the poverty rate is really high. The westerners are quite wasteful with everything. For instance, unlike in Africa, where people do not have as much and therefore have to be more economical, in the western world, I find that the mentality is ‘If it’s broken, Bin it!’

This rule, generally applies to everything from broken appliances to food etc...Britain for instance is one of the only nations, where I find good and electrical appliances in perfect working condition lying on the streets, all because the owner bought a new one. That’s it; the owner does not want it anymore, just because a newer model is out in the market.

On the contrary, unlike in Britain, In Africa the mentality is ‘If it’s broken, fix it!’

This rule also applies to all areas, for instance broken appliances. As a child I grew up with this mentality. I vividly recall as a child, seeing my friends Dad, open up a broken television and dissecting it, in a bid to fix it. He battled tirelessly, until he fixed it. And if by any chance he has not succeeded in fixing it, he would have taken it to the electronics repair shop. Oh yes, Electronics repair shop! (We have lots of them in Africa) J Bearing in mind, Africans fix things not necessarily because they can’t afford to buy a new one, but because, in my opinion we do not believe in wastage. We believe in using things till they are damaged beyond repairs, then and only then, will we bin it.

On the contrary interestingly, in Britain, it’s very different, there are hardly any repair shops, if one eventually manages to find one, you will find that it will cost you so much more to fix the broken device that it would cost you to buy a new one.

This I find very interesting!

So in essence, the high British divorce rate in my opinion has a deeper root than meets the eye. I personally feel it has a lot more to do with the British culture in general and their outlook on life. Unlike in Africa where we are fixers and our otlook on life obviously affects the way we view and handle marriage and commitment, Hence the much lower divorce rate.

That said, i do think this problem is a general problem and regardless of cultural backgrounds, we are all in some sort of relationship epidemic. We have lost our sense of perseverance as the years have rolled by. These days, people are not willing to put in the hard work to make relationships work, everyone is looking for a quick fix, and once they realise there is no quick fix, they jump out!

Sticking to a relationship through thick or thin has become old fashioned, Marriage vows don’t mean anything anymore, and it’s a shame. I do worry for the future generation, if it’s this bad now, I can only imagine, what it would be like in the nearest future.  Will marriage in its entirety become extinct? Will future marriages have expiry dates?? Will we have fixed-term marriages, just like we have fixed-term loans? Lol! Hmmmmm...... Interesting line of thought......

I long for a day when we will have young people fully dedicated and committed to relationships and marriages and not just in it for the good times and out of it in the bad times. I long for a day when we will have young people who have realistic expectations in a partner and not unrealistic expectations as to what kind of characteristics and qualities they would like in a present and potential partner. These I believe will drastically reduce the divorce and break-up rates we are presently experiencing worldwide.