I sat down yesterday and reflected on what I consider to be the
biggest difference between today’s relationships and the relationships our
parents had. When I say relationships I am referring to everything from dating,
courtship to marriage. While pondering, one major difference kept cropping up,
and this is the mentality/ attitude we have towards relationships this days.
In today’s world a lot of relationships
are fickle and depthless; they are very shallow and carry no weight.
Relationships today are a tad bit too casual for our own good. It’s almost as
if the moment people get into relationships they are automatically looking for
a way out. Where is the fighting spirit that was present during the days of our
forefathers??? Where is the resilient spirit? Why are we so quick to point out
each other’s mistakes and not our strengths? Why are we so quick to jump out of
relationships as against sticking it out and making it work??? There is definitely
something wrong with a society where divorce has become more popular than
marriage.
I am almost convinced that as the
technology improves and the world changes, humans also feel the need to change
our companions, lol! Be it a spouse or a partner. Upon interacting with people
these days, I find that marriage and relationships break-up over the most
minute and sometimes ridiculous differences. Issues that in the days of our fathers
would never have ended a relationship/marriage. Issues that rather than end a
realtionship/marriage, both partners would have worked through and eventually
come out stronger.
A friend recently shared her story with me, about how her marriage
of 9years ended over her OCD (Obsessive compulsive disorder) i.e. her excessive
love for tidying and cleaning. She said her husband could never understand why
she felt the constant need to clean the house and have everything in the right
place and order all the time. Though she had started therapy for her disorder
and she was improving, her husband said he couldn’t deal with it and didn’t have
the time to wait around for her to change, and so he walked out on her, leaving
her to raise 2 kids all by herself.
As expected she was devastated and broken! She kept saying to me
repeatedly how she couldn’t believe he was able to walk away, without batting
an eyelid after 9 solid years together and 2 lovely kids. She said she never
saw it coming, until recently, when he suddenly changed, and became cold
towards her.
These days it feels like relationship break-ups/ divorce is in
vogue. It’s no longer a biggie! It’s been trivialised so much that no one makes
a fuss about it anymore.
I feel like we have lost the plot completely, when it comes to
commitment and marriage. We are in it for the good, exciting, fun times, but the
moment challenges rear its ugly head, we get off at the next stop, without even
waiting for our change. Lol!
My friend’s predicament got me thinking, does it mean he never
loved her? Or did he stop loving her because of her OCD? What exactly went
wrong? Why would a man wake up after 9 years, and suddenly feel the urge to
jump out of a very stable marriage to his partner, with whom he swore to be
with for better or worse.....In my opinion, this is a modern day TRAGEDY!
In the western world for instance where we have a ridiculously
high divorce rate, compared to African countries, we also have a very wasteful
culture in my own opinion, especially when compared to EMEA countries where the
poverty rate is really high. The westerners are quite wasteful with everything.
For instance, unlike in Africa, where people do not have as much and therefore
have to be more economical, in the western world, I find that the mentality is ‘If
it’s broken, Bin it!’
This rule, generally applies to everything from broken appliances to
food etc...Britain for instance is one of the only nations, where I find good
and electrical appliances in perfect working condition lying on the streets,
all because the owner bought a new one. That’s it; the owner does not want it
anymore, just because a newer model is out in the market.
On the contrary, unlike in Britain, In Africa the mentality is ‘If
it’s broken, fix it!’
This rule also applies to all areas, for instance broken
appliances. As a child I grew up with this mentality. I vividly recall as a
child, seeing my friends Dad, open up a broken television and dissecting it, in
a bid to fix it. He battled tirelessly, until he fixed it. And if by any chance
he has not succeeded in fixing it, he would have taken it to the electronics repair
shop. Oh yes, Electronics repair shop! (We have lots of them in Africa) J Bearing
in mind, Africans fix things not necessarily because they can’t afford to buy a
new one, but because, in my opinion we do not believe in wastage. We believe in
using things till they are damaged beyond repairs, then and only then, will we
bin it.
On the contrary interestingly, in Britain, it’s very different,
there are hardly any repair shops, if one eventually manages to find one, you
will find that it will cost you so much more to fix the broken device that it
would cost you to buy a new one.
This I find very interesting!
So in essence, the high British divorce rate in my opinion has a
deeper root than meets the eye. I personally feel it has a lot more to do with
the British culture in general and their outlook on life. Unlike in Africa
where we are fixers and our otlook on life obviously affects the way we view and
handle marriage and commitment, Hence the much lower divorce rate.
That said, i do think this problem is a general problem and
regardless of cultural backgrounds, we are all in some sort of relationship
epidemic. We have lost our sense of perseverance as the years have rolled by. These
days, people are not willing to put in the hard work to make relationships
work, everyone is looking for a quick fix, and once they realise there is no
quick fix, they jump out!
Sticking to a relationship through thick or thin has become old
fashioned, Marriage vows don’t mean anything anymore, and it’s a shame. I do
worry for the future generation, if it’s this bad now, I can only imagine, what
it would be like in the nearest future. Will
marriage in its entirety become extinct? Will future marriages have expiry
dates?? Will we have fixed-term marriages, just like we have fixed-term loans? Lol!
Hmmmmm...... Interesting line of thought......
I long for a day when we will have young people fully dedicated
and committed to relationships and marriages and not just in it for the good
times and out of it in the bad times. I long for a day when we will have young
people who have realistic expectations in a partner and not unrealistic
expectations as to what kind of characteristics and qualities they would like
in a present and potential partner. These I believe will drastically reduce the
divorce and break-up rates we are presently experiencing worldwide.