Finding the Right One ( A Woman's Perspective)........

Sometimes in life, God allows us go through certain experiences, not because he is mean or he doesn't want the best for us. He allows us go through them because he wants us to appreciate the good things he has in store for us. By the special grace of God, I have grown into a lovely young woman, but like every other young woman, I have had my own fair share of up's and down's in life.

However, a few secrets have kept me going especially where relationships and marriage is concerned, and until I discovered these secrets I would say, I put myself through a lot of emotional stress and turmoil.

As  a young teenage girl, like every other teenage girl, I grew up  believing that one day, I would find my prince charming (emphasis on 'I will Find') and he will sweep me off my feet and take me away to his massive castle on his private jet.....lol! Oh Boy was I up for a few surprises as I grew older! Phew! In fact the older I grew; the more it became apparent that this teenage dream of mine was nothing more than a DREAM! 

So basically, I grew-up and I realized that my childhood prince charming dreams were nothing more than a fantasy and that the Real world, operates by a completely different set of RULES. #realitycheck! I also realized that the rules the world operates by are completely different from that which the Disney cartoons I watched as a child made me believe in, sadly. :(

Now back to the real world. Firstly, here’s where we all get it twisted, especially ladies. A lot of ladies are of the opinion that we have to find a Man that will love and cherish us for the rest of our lives, when in reality all we have to do is make ourselves 'Lovable' and love will find us. Now this is a very common mistake we ladies make.   

Even the bible says “He, who FINDS a wife, FINDS a GOOD THING. Now, if you notice, I have laid emphasis on 2 words in that sentence. The first one is "FINDS” please note that it says "He “who finds... and not "She" who finds....This means that even God expects the Men to Find us, and not the other way around. This made me realize that it’s the Man’s job to find me, and not mine to find him! The 2nd part of the sentence I laid emphasis on is "GOOD THING" Now; this says to me that I have to be a Good thing to be found! 

Like I said earlier, we ladies have to make ourselves 'Lovable' to be found. We have to make ourselves 'Good things' We have to focus more on the beauty on the inside and less on the beauty outside. We have to focus more on changing our personalities for the best rather than on buying the latest Brazilian, Peruvian and Funmi hair... lol!

In essence, Men are supposed to do the searching, whilst women rather than search, we should focus our energies and attention on making ourselves 'Findable'. This means preparing ourselves to be found, working on our personality, culinary skills, house-keeping skills, and educating ourselves to name a few... The problem is we young women of these days are very impatient. We would rather do the searching than prepare ourselves to be found. The downside of this role reversal is this: because we are too busy searching for the right man, we not only miss out on preparing ourselves for the right man, but something very interesting and unfortunately very common these days , happens at this stage.

Now, we just might succeed in eventually finding the ‘right man’ for us, but because we were too busy searching for him, we did not prepare for him! So this is what happens:

"RIGHT MAN" + UNPREPARED "RIGHT WOMAN" = DIVORCE/BREAK-UP

This relationship maths above is scarily true and unfortunately more common than you can imagine these days. Sadly, after investing all those hours hunting down your 'Mr Right' only to end up losing him because you were unprepared for him . This is why so many young women today are in a dilemma. They just can’t understand why their relationships never work-out and why they keep having one failed relationship after the other. The answer is simple: You simply have not prepared yourself for the right guy darling.

One thing is for sure, if you change your focus from looking for  the right guy to preparing yourself to be the right guys 'Right Lady' , you will not only be found by the right guy, but most importantly you will be prepared for him , when he finds you.

Moving on, the 2nd reason why lots of ladies struggle when it comes to finding the right one is this; We ladies love to panic! I mean, we can panic for Africa + England at the same time! This is a known fact. A lot of the time, once a young lady starts to advance in age, we start to fret, we start to panic, and we start to wonder if we will ever meet the right man for us... 

Now here's the thing, this stage of our lives which I’m sure a lot of ladies can relate to, is the stage I call the ''Panicky Stage'' it has to do with young ladies approaching a certain age, where they believe they should be settled in a relationship /marriage. The problem here is, this panicky stage is where a lot of ladies loose the plot completely. A lot of ladies become desperate at this stage and as much as they try to hide it, it oozes out of every pore of their being, simply because desperation cannot be hidden.

I genuinely believe that a guy can smell desperation from 10 miles away. Even when we ladies think we are doing a good job at hiding it. You think I’m wrong? Ask any guy you know and I bet you, he will confirm this. He will not only confirm this, but he will tell you, he can tell if a lady is desperate or not after conversing with her for 10mins or even less! Shocking right?!? Another thing about being desperate is this, even if your soooo good at hiding your desperation with your words, unfortunately your body language will always betray you. Damn you 'Body Language'!  lol!

Now, this is what I think:

• Until you make peace with yourself, so much that you say to yourself "No matter how long it takes for the 'right guy' to find me, I will prepare myself and I will wait!
• Until you get to that point where you stop looking for 'quick fix relationships' i.e. something just to keep body and soul together, until 'Mr Right' shows up· 
•  Until you say to yourself, I would rather wait a few more years and marry the right guy, than marry the wrong person, before I clock 30,35 or 40.......

Ladies, until we get to that point where absolutely nothing else (as difficult as it may be) matters, but 'Being FOUND by the RIGHT guy', and when I say nothing else I mean; Age, Desire to have kids, Family pressure, our constantly ticking biological clock, Peer pressure, etc....Until we get to that point where we are at complete peace with ourselves and  our focus is on being found by the right guy, rather than finding the right guy, unfortunately we might remain in a vicious cycle of damaging relationships.

In summary, there are 2 keys to finding the right one:

1. Prepare yourself to be found by ‘The One’ and whatever you do, do not settle for less than 'The one'.

2. Relax, Take a chill pill, Calm down, Breath... whatever you do, do not stress, do not panic, because this only leads to desperation, which is our greatest enemy remember? Stay calm, and trust that when the time is right, with the right level of preparation on your part: THE RIGHT ONE WILL FIND YOU! 

All the best Ladies... Xxx

Pick and Drop Mentality in Today Relationships!!!

I sat down yesterday and reflected on what I consider to be the biggest difference between today’s relationships and the relationships our parents had. When I say relationships I am referring to everything from dating, courtship to marriage. While pondering, one major difference kept cropping up, and this is the mentality/ attitude we have towards relationships this days.

In today’s world a lot of relationships are fickle and depthless; they are very shallow and carry no weight. Relationships today are a tad bit too casual for our own good. It’s almost as if the moment people get into relationships they are automatically looking for a way out. Where is the fighting spirit that was present during the days of our forefathers??? Where is the resilient spirit? Why are we so quick to point out each other’s mistakes and not our strengths? Why are we so quick to jump out of relationships as against sticking it out and making it work??? There is definitely something wrong with a society where divorce has become more popular than marriage.

I am almost convinced that as the technology improves and the world changes, humans also feel the need to change our companions, lol! Be it a spouse or a partner. Upon interacting with people these days, I find that marriage and relationships break-up over the most minute and sometimes ridiculous differences. Issues that in the days of our fathers would never have ended a relationship/marriage. Issues that rather than end a realtionship/marriage, both partners would have worked through and eventually come out stronger.

A friend recently shared her story with me, about how her marriage of 9years ended over her OCD (Obsessive compulsive disorder) i.e. her excessive love for tidying and cleaning. She said her husband could never understand why she felt the constant need to clean the house and have everything in the right place and order all the time. Though she had started therapy for her disorder and she was improving, her husband said he couldn’t deal with it and didn’t have the time to wait around for her to change, and so he walked out on her, leaving her to raise 2 kids all by herself.

As expected she was devastated and broken! She kept saying to me repeatedly how she couldn’t believe he was able to walk away, without batting an eyelid after 9 solid years together and 2 lovely kids. She said she never saw it coming, until recently, when he suddenly changed, and became cold towards her.

These days it feels like relationship break-ups/ divorce is in vogue. It’s no longer a biggie! It’s been trivialised so much that no one makes a fuss about it anymore.

I feel like we have lost the plot completely, when it comes to commitment and marriage. We are in it for the good, exciting, fun times, but the moment challenges rear its ugly head, we get off at the next stop, without even waiting for our change. Lol!

My friend’s predicament got me thinking, does it mean he never loved her? Or did he stop loving her because of her OCD? What exactly went wrong? Why would a man wake up after 9 years, and suddenly feel the urge to jump out of a very stable marriage to his partner, with whom he swore to be with for better or worse.....In my opinion, this is a modern day TRAGEDY!

In the western world for instance where we have a ridiculously high divorce rate, compared to African countries, we also have a very wasteful culture in my own opinion, especially when compared to EMEA countries where the poverty rate is really high. The westerners are quite wasteful with everything. For instance, unlike in Africa, where people do not have as much and therefore have to be more economical, in the western world, I find that the mentality is ‘If it’s broken, Bin it!’

This rule, generally applies to everything from broken appliances to food etc...Britain for instance is one of the only nations, where I find good and electrical appliances in perfect working condition lying on the streets, all because the owner bought a new one. That’s it; the owner does not want it anymore, just because a newer model is out in the market.

On the contrary, unlike in Britain, In Africa the mentality is ‘If it’s broken, fix it!’

This rule also applies to all areas, for instance broken appliances. As a child I grew up with this mentality. I vividly recall as a child, seeing my friends Dad, open up a broken television and dissecting it, in a bid to fix it. He battled tirelessly, until he fixed it. And if by any chance he has not succeeded in fixing it, he would have taken it to the electronics repair shop. Oh yes, Electronics repair shop! (We have lots of them in Africa) J Bearing in mind, Africans fix things not necessarily because they can’t afford to buy a new one, but because, in my opinion we do not believe in wastage. We believe in using things till they are damaged beyond repairs, then and only then, will we bin it.

On the contrary interestingly, in Britain, it’s very different, there are hardly any repair shops, if one eventually manages to find one, you will find that it will cost you so much more to fix the broken device that it would cost you to buy a new one.

This I find very interesting!

So in essence, the high British divorce rate in my opinion has a deeper root than meets the eye. I personally feel it has a lot more to do with the British culture in general and their outlook on life. Unlike in Africa where we are fixers and our otlook on life obviously affects the way we view and handle marriage and commitment, Hence the much lower divorce rate.

That said, i do think this problem is a general problem and regardless of cultural backgrounds, we are all in some sort of relationship epidemic. We have lost our sense of perseverance as the years have rolled by. These days, people are not willing to put in the hard work to make relationships work, everyone is looking for a quick fix, and once they realise there is no quick fix, they jump out!

Sticking to a relationship through thick or thin has become old fashioned, Marriage vows don’t mean anything anymore, and it’s a shame. I do worry for the future generation, if it’s this bad now, I can only imagine, what it would be like in the nearest future.  Will marriage in its entirety become extinct? Will future marriages have expiry dates?? Will we have fixed-term marriages, just like we have fixed-term loans? Lol! Hmmmmm...... Interesting line of thought......

I long for a day when we will have young people fully dedicated and committed to relationships and marriages and not just in it for the good times and out of it in the bad times. I long for a day when we will have young people who have realistic expectations in a partner and not unrealistic expectations as to what kind of characteristics and qualities they would like in a present and potential partner. These I believe will drastically reduce the divorce and break-up rates we are presently experiencing worldwide.

Heart Broken or Ever been Heart Broken??? Read This!!!

A lot of the time when relationships end, we feel like a part of us also ended with that relationship, we feel emotionally drained and exhausted, we feel like we do not have any love left in us to give anymore. We spend so much time moaning and evaluating these past relationships that we miss out on the lessons that should be learnt from these relationships.

I also think a lot of us have a very wrong mind-set about relationships. We see them as end-points as against seeing them as starting points. Most people mostly ladies, are guilty of expecting every relationship they get into to end in marriage. This is a very wrong way to view relationships and also a very counter-productive approach.

I personally think that relationships should be viewed as training ground. This is because statistics show that on the average only less than 2% of people marry their first love, i.e. (First Boyfriend or Girlfriend). Now if the statistics are this low then the chances of us all getting married to our 'First Love' are practically non-existent. In my opinion, relationships being viewed as a training ground would not only change our attitude when we are in relationships and when relationships end, it will also help us see the bigger picture i.e. (groom ourselves for marriage with the right person eventually.

The truth is no one is perfect and God sometimes moulds us by allowing us meet certain people at certain points in our lives so that we can learn certain things that will help us eventually not only in marriage but in other areas of our lives. It might not even be you that needs to learn something; it might be your partner. If people could develop this mind-set, it will not only reduce the amount of pain we feel when a relationship ends but it will enable us learn the lessons from these past relationships and move on in good time. I have realised that with time and as one grows older, we meet all sorts of people, some of these people we have relationships with and some we just remain friends with, either way, these people either add value to our lives or not, and at the very least these people crossed our paths in life to teach us valuable life lessons, some we learnt easily and some we learnt the hard way. What will be a disaster would be to go through life, not learning from our experiences and our encounter with people.

Now my point is this, firstly not all relationships are meant, destined to lead to marriage. Secondly the earlier we realise this, the less heart-breaks we will have and also the wiser we will become. If we approach relationships with the ''I am here to learn'' mentality, we would not only improve ourselves, but we will be more relaxed and actually get to enjoy the relationship, and most importantly get a clearer picture of the kind of person we would like to spend the rest of our lives with.

The truth is when relationships do not work-out, we should actually be grateful that they didn’t workout and really and truly we got off easy, because those relationships could have worked out and led to marriage only to have ended in a divorce, which would have been heart-wrenching and in most cases disastrous. We should also be grateful because it’s also a pointer that that person isn’t the right life partner for us. We should see it as a step closer to our ideal and God-ordained life partner for us, and not a step away from him or her. Because, the truth is, if we didn’t gain anything at all from our past relationships, at the very least we discovered what we do not want in a life partner, and that in itself is PRICELESS.

As difficult as it maybe to view break-ups from this positive point of view, this is the truth about relationships coming to an end. Instead of eternally moaning and feeling down and in some cases, vowing never to fall in love again i.e. (Being a drama queen/king, lol!)  We should be grateful it didn’t work out and very importantly you have eliminated the chance of potentially becoming a divorcee. Always remember, as clichéd as it may sound: A BROKEN RELATIONSHIP, IS BETTER THAN A BROKEN MARRIAGE!!!

In order to move on, it is important and advisable to give ourselves time to heal emotionally, in some cases we need to actually fall in love with ourselves again! After which, we need to GET-UP AND KEEP MOVING! Go out with friends, family, have fun, enjoy being single, live and enjoy life responsibly and be open to meeting someone new. ;)

A lot of us can resonate with the fact that when we meet someone new, they always seem perfect and ideal for us, but with time, sometimes things go wrong and we think back and wonder why we ever thought he or she was perfect for us in the first place. This goes to show that not all relationships are meant to lead to marriage. Most of them are actually meant to mould you and make you a better partner to your future husband or wife, as young people , in relationships we should see ourselves as 'Trainee husband/wives', and if two people involved in a relationship get along so well, that it leads into a marriage, fantastic! We wouldn't have lost out on anything; on the contrary we would have both learnt a lot from each other and trained ourselves to be better partners. If on the other hand the relationship doesn’t lead to marriage........FIND THE STRENGHT TO GET UP AND KEEP MOVING! Learn the lessons and move one! You will find that when you eventually meet the right person, your past experiences will help you appreciate this person and you will not repeat the previous mistakes.

However, if you decide to remain in the sad unproductive phase of moaning, beating yourself up and constant re-evaluation of the broken relationship , you will not only be doing yourself great injustice, by depriving yourself of the possibility of meeting that special someone but you will also be wasting valuable time. For all you know that special one is out there waiting for you to come out of this unproductive phase, and start on the journey of recovery and happiness. In the words of Oprah Winfrey ''LIVE YOUR BEST LIFE NOW’’ We have got to maximise and enjoy each moment and every second that ticks by!

Come to think of it, what better way is there to learn to relate with your future spouse, rather than to actually get into relationships? None actually! So if we don’t relate with the opposite sex and maybe get heartbroken a few times in the process, we would never really get 1st hand experience or at least a rough idea of what it might be like to actually spend the rest of our lives with the opposite sex. In my opinion, I think it’s a very small price to pay for the joy and happiness that lies ahead, when you finally meet the right one.

I have discovered that the earlier we discover what category the people we are in relationships with fall into, the sooner we can either learn the lessons and move on or stay and build upon the relationships. A lot of people waste valuable time with the WRONG PEOPLE. They either stay in wrong relationships, hoping that things will change for the better or they refuse to move on when these relationships end. This is a very counter-productive approach and more often than not, leads to regrets.

That said we need to get into relationships wisely. Be wise about your choice of a partner; be open-minded, yet very cautious! Compatibility is very key and lastly, leave the relationship in God's capable hands, trusting him to do what he does best! All the best People!!! :) 

ABUSIVE ANGELS!!!

I just heard the story of a lady whose husband beat her, up to the extent of cutting off her ring finger!!! After seeing graphic pictures of the state in which he left her, I couldn’t help but write this article!!! A lot of people have this ‘I MUST MAKE MY MARRIAGE OR RELATIONSHIP WORK MENTALITY’ Which isn’t a bad thing but must be done within limits! We need to know when to let go! And the sign of knowing when to let go is ask yourself this very simple but extremely important question: Is my life at risk or in jeopardy?  Even if you don’t love yourself enough to want to live (which is quite likely judging by the fact that abusers usually deflate your self-esteem first before they even start abusing you .The way it works is such that they make you feel like your worthless so that when you are being abused you feel like you don’t deserve better and the abuser is actually doing you a favour by remaining in that relationship or marriage with you)  if you don’t leave for  yourself  how about the innocent children you have brought into this world? Don’t they deserve the God-given privilege of growing up with the care of their mother or father? Don’t they deserve to get walked down the aisle with their father by their side? Don’t they deserve to get advice about boys, girls and life in their awkward teenage years? Ok let’s assume you don’t care about your children how about the mother that laboured 10, 20, and 30 hours or in some cases days to bring you out of her womb!!!

     Sadly there is no means of identifying an abuser just by looking at them; the only means of identifying them is by studying them closely and recognising the early signs!!!   I wish they had a tag on their forehead reading: 'ABUSER DONT DATE' or 'ABUSER DONT MARRY' life would have been perfect! The UK recently changed (or are in the process of changing) their law making it legal to reveal criminal records of abusive people to partners who request for them. This just goes to show how prevalent, real and serious this issue is! Don’t get it twisted a lot of men are equally victims of both physical and emotional abuse!  As impossible as  men getting physically abused by women sounds, sadly it’s the reality of today! These female abusers kill d ‘lion’ in d man by stabbing his self-esteem, denying him of the love and care that they deserve eventually making him a toothless bulldog!   A lot of people see abuse as something that is synonymous with women alone, this is so wrong! Men also experience abuse from both girlfriends and wives! In fact statistics show that In 100 domestic violence situations approximately 40 cases involve violence by women against men.  This means that roughly 300,000 to 400,000 men are treated violently by their wife or girl friend. 

 Like a friend of mine said LEAVE THAT MAN OR WOMAN BEFORE YOU LEAVE THE WORLD!!!  A lot of people remain in abusive relationships because of the ‘IT IS DIFFICULT TO FIND A HUSBAND OR WIFE MENTALITY’  well  I’ve got good news for you if u happen to fall under this category, That person you are married to or in a relationship with is anything but a husband/ wife or girlfriend /boyfriend to you!!! Let me remind you of the vows you said on your wedding day for the married ones just in case you have forgotten! You promised to remain with your spouse for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do you part...... if I’m not mistaken the vows didn’t read for better or for punches, in goodness and in battery, in health or in death by abuse! Babe and bloke, you’ve got to wake-up!!! And the time to do that is NOW!!! The longer you sleep the slimmer your chances of getting out alive!!! Besides even the bible says that for every man God made, he also made a woman! So why remain in bondage because you feel if you walk out you won’t find a better partner, forgetting that In Gods time he makes all things beautiful!

I recently read the story of some lady who had all the luxury in the world at her beck and call but was emotionally and physically abused by her spouse  for years and eventually recently died more from emotional abuse than physical abuse if u ask me . Emotional abuse is as bad as physical abuse if not worse! It’s what I call a silent killer! Yes no one sees it on you physically that you’re being abused but your heart and soul are dying slowly!!! Emotional abuse usually starts with the lowering of your self esteem, by your abuser. At least a lot of people are aware of physical abuse, but sadly lots of people are still in the dark as far as emotional abuse is concerned. When people hear the word abuse they instinctively think blows and punches but emotional abuse is as deadly as physical abuse! It kills you from within! Some of the signs of emotional abuse are: constant criticism, humiliation, under-mining your self-esteem, fear of your partner, he or she isolates you from your friends and family, feeling trapped in the relationship/marriage, to name a few.

BEWARE!!! The abusive person looks exactly the same as you and I! He or she is that handsome, drop-dead gorgeous guy and that beautiful, pretty girl .They are no different from me and you at least on the outside. The only difference is what lies within them! A lot of you may wonder...what makes an individual become abusive?  Its a cycle in most cases, Statistics show that a large number of abusers grew up seeing their parents abuse each other. Now this has piqued my interest because this means that if you remain in that abusive relationship or marriage, with children in it, you are not only endangering your life you are potentially raising future abusers!!! And it makes perfect sense because we are the products of our upbringing and background! Children are like an ATM machines, what you deposit at the bank is what you can withdraw from the ATM, the same goes for children, what you deposit into them is what they exhibit in future! It’s not magic! You can’t deposit 10pounds at the bank and expect to withdraw 1million pounds!  

Though we can’t recognise abusive people just by looking at them, the signs are always there! Watch how they behave when they are upset, do they become violent and maybe resort to breaking things around them???..... Because they might be breaking cups and plates today but trust me, tomorrow they will be breaking your head! The signs of an abuser in some cases can also be something as little as a shove. You might ask a shove??? Yes a simple shove!!! A lady recently told me her story she said she was a victim of severe abuse by her husband. I asked her if she ever saw any signs she said in fact there were little signs that she ignored and took lightly. She went on to say when they were dating and they had misunderstandings she would apologise but he would completely ignore her and even when she approaches him he would shove and push her out of his way. But she said he never hit her while they were dating .But thinking back now she said that push/shove was a sign that she shouldn’t have ignored!!! Because eventually push /shove became slaps and then slaps became blows and then blows progressed into life-threatening battering! Thankfully, she somehow got out of that marriage alive! The bitter truth about abusive relationships is that it rarely gets better; a lot of people remain in abusive relationships hoping that their partner will change. But sadly, more often than not it deteriorates, the last example is what I call a progressively-abusive relationship, it usually starts with the minutest signs, like in her case it was a slight shove/push, which ultimately progressed into full-blown battery and abuse!

I must say Africans and Asians are the most common culprits in the ‘I MUST MAKE MY MARRIAGE/RELATIONSHIP WORK’   syndrome. Our culture has a part to play in it, our culture has taught us to endure in marriage as against enjoy marriage! As much as this is a good thing our culture also needs to incorporate the wisdom of knowing where to draw the limits. Marriage is to be enjoyed and not endured!!! Recently in the news there was a Pakistani couple who were in a very unstable relationship but who felt pressured to get married, after the marriage the lady felt strongly that something was out of place with her husband and she confided in her cousin telling her that she was scared of her husband and she wanted to leave him. Her cousin sadly advised her to stay and ‘make her marriage work’ 2weeks after while honeymooning in south-Africa her newly wedded husband  is suspected to have allegedly arranged for her to be murdered, investigations are still ongoing to really figure out what truly happened to her. I am all for staying in your marriage through thick and thin and both in good and challenging times. But I beg that you know when to let go!!! LET GO AND LET GOD!!! For your sake and for the sake of your loved ones!!!

After all is said and done, YOU, YES   YOUUUUU there you know yourself God has sent this article your way to awaken you from your slumber! Wake up now, before it’s too late!  You and you alone are the author of your own destiny!!!  This article is titled ‘’ABUSIVE ANGELS ‘’ because these abusers are people whom we often mistake as angels in our lives, simply because they are present in our lives as husbands and boyfriends or wives and Girlfriends!!! Be careful whom you let into your life, NEVER MISTAKE A MONSTER FOR A GEM!!!

Warm Regards,

Your Relationship Coach

Chee.

WHO GETS TO THE ALTAR FIRST!!! Dedicated to Whitney Houston(A bright shiny light turned off prematurely!)

I woke up this morning to the shocking news of Whitney Houston’s Death!!!  A Bright shiny light turned off at the very young age of 48!!! Oh my God!!! Its sooo sad!!! She struggled, she fought but she never made it back on the right path!

 It makes my heart bleed to see such a talented young woman’s life practically waste due to the wrong decisions she made in her lifetime! 2oyears ago she met and married a handsome young man whom she thought like we all do, would keep her happy forever. But as it turned out he was to lead to the end of her life, destiny and dreams! It hurts to see how a bright, HUGELY talented life took a turn for the worst due to her choice in a life partner!

This has made me think, oh what would her life have been like if she had only made the right marital CHOICE!!! Her destiny took a fatal turn from the moment she set up camp 20 long years ago with her ex-husband Bobby brown... It just goes to show how the choices we make shape our destiny! They either make us better people eventually or lead to our downfall!

 I can’t say it enough!!! Whoever we decide to marry determines how the rest of our life turns out!!! Your choice of a marital partner goes a long way to determine what direction your future heads!!! Sadly though the choice of a life partner is one lots of people make at the spur of the moment, putting their future at risk and in jeopardy! It’s like going to the zoo and deciding to take the first animal you see home as a pet, What if that first animal is a Wolf? Its soooo not worth it!!!

Once again someone has sacrificed her life just so that we can learn this very vital life lesson and make the right marital decisions! It’s too huge a risk to take, it’s better to remain single and fulfil your God ordained destiny than to partner with the devil to end your God given destiny and vision! Yes she made a huge impact on the world even though she died young,but one cannot help but wonder....if she achieved so much in such a short time, lets rewind her life back to 20years ago when she said ‘I DO’ to her ex-husband and imagine that she married the right person instead, Someone who had Supported , Encouraged and Motivated her as against someone who battered ,introduced her to drugs and left her a half dead junkie! Just imagine how much more of a positive impact she would have made on the world! Whitney lost her most valuable asset which was her voice all in the course of the doomed marriage!

That brings me back to the thought, WAS IT WORTH IT??? I know a few older people who decided in their youth not to get married because they didn’t find anyone they felt was worth dedicating their lives to; instead they focused on their careers and made a success of their lives. One of such individuals is Oprah Winfrey, people might wonder why such a successful, wonderful,generous, bright woman decided not to get married or have any children, personally I have always understood her point of view! 


MARRIAGE is not a must!!! Not every one of us must get married! If you find someone whom you are convinced beyond all doubt would contribute positively towards helping you achieve your God ordained destiny and whom you love and loves you in return then by all means marry him or her! But if you don’t, please and please don’t get married because you are getting old or all your friends are getting married, please for your own sake REMAIN SINGLE! Being single doesn’t make you any less of a person!

Marriage is a partnership, it involves two people coming together to make a positive difference! If that union isn’t going to bring about a positive difference there is no point jeopardising your future all because you don’t want to be left out!

Whitney walked down the aisle 20 years ago, Hoping that she was making the right choice, maybe just maybe she should have thought it through more carefully before taking that fatal plunge 20 years ago! Oh death where art thou sting!!!

These days it’s almost like a  rat race,a race i call  ‘WHO GETS TO THE ALTAR FIRST’ once people start approaching 30,its almost like alarm bells start ringing in their heads, WHEN ARE YOU GETTING MARRIED!?! Even if the bells aren’t ringing, people around you will cause them to start ringing! If it’s not family members stylishly asking if there’s someone special in your life its friends asking ‘ WHEN ARE THE WEDDING BELLS RINGING? ’ Can I ask one question though.....MUST THE FREAKING WEDDING BELLS RING!?! Can’t one have a blissful, happy life without getting married? Don’t get me wrong I am all for getting married and finding that one special person, God knows that I’m also looking forward to having that in the nearest future but do we ever stop to think, WHAT IF I NEVER FIND THAT ONE PERSON ,THAT TICKS ATLEAST MOST OF THE BOXES FOR ME, AND I CONSIDER WORTH SHARING MY DESTINY AND  SPENDING THE REST OF MY LIFE WITH?

Marriage is great and important but greater and more important is who you are getting married to!!!  Is it really worth it trading your future and destiny for a beautiful wedding gown and tuxedo? Because that’s all it boils down to in the end! And if you get it wrong, the scars remain with you forever! Yes you might get a divorce, yes you might re-marry the right person but the scars will always be there!!! As single unmarried people, we are at an advantage; we still have the opportunity to make a difference by MARRYING RIGHT! Let’s grab this great, priceless opportunity by the horn and make the BEST of it!!! WE ONLY HAVE ONE LIFE!!!  Oh dear lord please help us all make the right marital decisions!!!

That said REST IN PERFECT PEACE MY DEAREST W.H. My only consolation is the fact that now you can find TRUE REST AND HAPPINESS THAT COMPLETELY ELUDED YOU WHILE YOU WERE ON EARTH!!!

Valentine’s Day: A blessing or a curse???

Valentine’s Day: A blessing or a curse???

Once again it’s that time of the year again.... In case you haven’t noticed Valentine’s Day is just around the corner!!!  Yes, February 14^th is just days away and hence the reason why i decided to write this article. For ages I have observed the fuss and buzz that comes with the preparation and celebration of Valentine’s Day, and it has always baffled me and amused me at the same time.... 

I recently had a chat with a few friends about Valentine’s Day and what exactly it means to them and it was really interesting to discover what it means to each and every one of them.

A friend of mine I would refer to as Bee said to me ‘Chee you know what? That’s actually a very interesting question u asked because for me Valentine’s Day has been more of a curse than a blessing she said jokingly. I asked her why? And she said really for her valentine’s day has always been the same as any other day. Even when she was in relationships it was always one boring valentine’s celebration after the other, she also went on to say that a lot of men this days are too lazy to be bothered about valentine’s celebration. They barely remember your birthday talk less of valentines!

Another friend of mine I would refer to as Kay, He said Valentine’s Day has been more of a blessing than a curse to him and it’s indeed a day he looks forward to every year. When asked why? He said He sees it as a day set aside to celebrate your loved ones and people dear to our hearts.  I personally thought this was a bit unusual for a guy as most guys don’t seem to care about such ‘Trivialities’ as I have heard them refer to it as a lot. So I decided to dig deeper and find out why Kay was so passionate about celebrating Valentine’s Day. After a lot of questions I discovered that Kay actually adopted his ‘valentine culture ‘from his parents. According to him, he grew up seeing his mum and dad exchange gifts lovingly every year on Valentine’s Day, and as a child this made a very strong impression on him. So at a very young age he made up his mind to adopt what I would call ‘The Valentine’s day culture’ Wow! Kays story really made me think! This just goes to show how far the actions of our parents contribute to making us the people we eventually become.

Personally, I think valentine is one of the very few celebrations where you have a lot of divided views.  For some people it’s a day they look forward to, while for some others it’s a day they dread! I recall back when I was at uni, valentine’s celebration used to be a HUGE deal. All the boyfriends had to impress the girlfriends with boxes of chocolates, expensive designer perfumes, huge teddy bears and loads of gift! And the girls on the other hand also had to represent by giving their boyfriends designer shirts, expensive bottles of wine, expensive gold and silver jewellery and loads of beautiful expensive gifts . There used to be a lot of buzz and excitement as February the 14^th drew closer and it was a lot of fun! Back then we had a few born romantics who serenaded their partners with Cartoon character themed mascots as well as expensive gifts and roses at 12.01 am on Valentine’s Day while their friends and room-mates watched adoringly.... :)

On the other hand we have people who practically dread valentine’s day because it’s a day that blatantly reminds them of their ‘singleness’ these people usually spend the day wishing they had someone they could exchange gifts with and share the day with.

I personally think Valentine’s Day should be all about the love shared and not necessarily who the love is shared with. I think the whole idea of Valentine’s Day has been misconstrued and as a result, Valentine’s Day celebration has been transformed into Couples day celebration.  It really shouldn’t be just about sharing love and gifts between lovers but it should in fact most importantly be about sharing love and gifts with the needy, less-fortunate and loved ones as well. It would be refreshing to see a wider display of love and affection on Valentine’s Day.  I really do think that over the years the true significance and meaning of valentine has been watered down such that it’s been turned into a selfish celebration so to say. Its A Syndrome I would refer to as Me, My lover and I syndrome. lol! 

1ce again its valentines people, lets share the love most importantly with those who need it the most!!!! That said,

 HAVE A HAPPY VALENTINES DEARIES!!!!

SO MANY BOYS STUCK IN THE BODIES OF MEN!!!

I look around me everyday,and my heart bleeds for the men of this generation.....

we are supposed to be the  future leaders,fathers,parents of 2moro....

and yet the supposed 'men' amongst us never cease to amaze me......

can sum1 pls tell me wat signifies the graduation of a boy into a man???

generally  once a young boy hits puberty and starts growing beards,he is automatically assumed to have become a man....

This is soo wrong because evidently there are soooo many boys stuck in the bodies of grown men......

At this point you would ask me WHAT MAKES A BOY A MAN???

POSSESSION OF A SENSE OF RESPONSIBILTY,MATURITY,POSSESSION OF A PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD,SELF CONTROL,A VISIONARY INDIVIDUAL,to name a few.....

In our world today, if u were to be sincere with urself you will agree with me that alot of men lack most of the basic characteristic of a TRUE MAN.....The truth is,you cannot give what u dont have,if we refuse to make conscious effort to make ourselves responsible pple and improve our selves both physically and most importantly spiritually,what do we expect of our future offsprings??? how dare we even expect our children to be better???  

A parent is d first role model a child has,so whatever you sow into the life of that being GOD has placed in your hands is what you will reap.....where did we get it all wrong??? if our parents made dis mistakes must we also make d same?? why not make conscious effort to end this generational disaster today???

MAY GOD GRANT US ALL WISDOM TO MAKE A CHANGE NOW THAT WE CAN.............